Facing My Demons

vulnerabilityI never thought myself a bitter person; not until the other day.

I love to observe people; I’d almost call it a hobby of mine. People are so interesting to me because everyone has a story and the way people act or present themselves is a reflection of their story and where their life has taken them. There are times when I can see that there is someone running from something, not literally speaking, whether its running from the past, the present or the future. We are a fearful human race. We are scared when we can’t control our future and what tomorrow is going to look like. It’s moments like these that we have to be something that makes our knees weak, our lips tremble and our stomachs turn; we must become vulnerable.

I have realized I was/am running from something in the past and the present. It took a lot of vulnerability and confessing for me to realize what it was. I had bottled up so much bitterness and resentment towards a dear friend of mine and the scary part was that I didn’t even know I was doing it until that friend called me out on it and to be honest I was shocked. As my friend continued to share these thoughts with me, my wall crashed. My heart burst through the chains that I had so desperately wrapped my heart in and I became vulnerable and wept and wept and wept.

So many emotions were exploding out of me, love, bitterness, anger, happiness, and abandonment. I was suddenly vulnerable in the moment and it was honestly the biggest relief I have ever experienced. I admitted to so many things that I didn’t even realize I felt and it was hard but man, did they need to come out. I faced several demons of mine that were trying to take over. It was this bitterness that kept building up inside me and I refused to face it because of how vulnerable it would make me. Me and my friend’s relationship suddenly changed at this point, I got them back, not even knowing that I had lost them. How had I become so bitter and how did I not realize I was destroying a friendship that I missed so much?

What are you running from? I dare and plead you to dig deep in your heart and confront the demons that are getting a hold onto your heart. We all have them and for some, for me, it took months of bottling this bitterness up to finally letting it go and being vulnerable. If you don’t let it come to the surface, I promise it will crush you and hurt those closest to you. Be vulnerable, and face your demons; it’s not a weakness but may just be your biggest strength.

Only when we’re brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”Dr. Brene Brown

Love. Be loved. Know love.

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