Achmed, a teenager, not a terrorist.

As I write this, I have a song on repeat that is getting me through this blog, a song called Brother, by The BrillianceI invite you to listen to this song that has moved me in more ways than one. Even as a blogger and one who loves to write, I find myself bone dry of words. Sometimes, words are just not enough and tears are the only thing filling my pages; tears that eventually flood and wet the bone dry words that eventually come to life. Tears are nothing to be ashamed of, they speak more than words sometimes, and tears for me are what happened after visiting the city of Hebron on my trip to Israel/Palestine.

When I look into the face of my enemy, I see my brothers.The Brilliance

Peace, Enemies, & Chicken Shawarmas

img_4018Israel. Palestine. These two words hold such significance in my life now. Words that I used to hear on the news and had my own assumptions about, words that meant very little to me, words that confirmed my ignorance to what is really going on. Now when I see these two words my heart aches, my mind is overwhelmed, and my eyes have a hard time staying dry. My world has changed drastically due to the beauty I have seen in one of the most intense conflicts this world has ever seen.

Israel/Palestine. The Journey Begins.

Be still my heart. I am one day away from one of the most significant opportunities I will ever endure in my lifetime and I am very confident in that statement! I have been on a journey these past 6 weeks discovering and learning about one of the craziest, most difficult, and humbling conflicts I have ever experienced, The Israeli-Palestinian conflict. I have discovered how naive I have been in response to this conflict. I knew there were issues, but I had no idea what that really entailed. I knew people took sides, but I wasn’t sure why. I knew people were being displaced, but I didn’t know what for. I knew I didn’t know what was going on, but I was too wrapped up in my own little world to care about knowing more.

The church does not change teenagers

IMG_0824Almost 6 years ago I was introduced to the class of 2016 on the Mesa campus. I now sit here on my stool, at my high standing, nicely welded desk that my husband made for me, staring at a blank page of paper unable to comprehend the words I want to share with you. And now my eyes begin to well up because I know what I want to write will not be easy, but it is necessary due to the incredible human beings I want you to know about.

I Don’t Want to Succeed in Ministry

FullSizeRenderIt has been 1 year, 8 months, and 7 days since I last wrote a blog. That was hard to swallow. I love to write. So why has it been almost 2 years since anything has surfaced on this page? I have written blogs for Central Christian Church, my work, but have refused to let anything loose on here. I am still trying to figure out the excuses I have made up to this point. Today I have decided to make the commitment of writing a blog once a week, I need you all to hold me accountable to that. So…what has God been teaching me these past few months? I got to go on a retreat for work a few weeks ago and lead a devotional regarding this question with some incredible people in high leadership and I chose to be vulnerable with them so I am going to be vulnerable with you.

Dear Teenager,


Dear Teenager,

To the heartbreaker, the athletic one, and the loser; to the indecisive, the lovebirds, and the band geek; to the ones who are suicidal, with divorced parents, and the daddyless; to the frightened, the rule breakers, and the punk rockers; to the ones who are sick, the overachievers, and the kind girl next door; to the ones with a perfect family, the foster kid, and the rich one; to the drug addict, alcohol abuser, and the sex addict; to the generation that I absolutely adore and love to the very core of my being, I write to you.

The Fault in Our Stars

This movie was brilliant in more ways than one. For those who know me, you know I love movies. I love everything about them, the passion, the adventure, the characters, it’s a powerful thing for me to experience. I feel the same about books, but that’s a blog for another time. The Fault in Our Stars has adventure, love, and a beautiful lesson of what it means to be a victim. This movie (and novel, but I am going to refer to the movie) is a love story, but not a normal one. When cancer plays a part in a love story it is everything but normal. Cancer itself doesn’t surprise us these days anymore. It’s a common illness that destroys lives. I have had one too many friends and family members who have struggled with cancer. Some that are struggling, some that have struggled and won, and some that have lost the fight. However, losing the fight to cancer does not mean it has won.

It’s a metaphor, see: You put the killing thing right between your teeth, but you don’t give it the power to do its killing.The Fault in Our Stars

I Don’t Want Happiness

Silence has been present in my life the last few months. Do you ever feel your life is silent at times? There are days that I feel tired, not physically, but spiritually and emotionally. I can confidently say I know what I believe in, but there are times I am still searching for something. I am wrestling with this idea of happiness. What does it mean for us to be happy? I know the song, Happy by Pharrell Williams, makes me happy. How can it not? We want to be happy. Our human nature strives to feel good in every aspect of our life. The problem I am finding is that happiness is temporary. Everything this world provides is temporary, relationships, material items, emotions etc. I am happy, but my life is still missing something and I think I always knew what it was; JOY.

Don’t Close the Door

narniaLife catches up to us. It tends to present itself unannounced and in some cases uninvited. We go through still moments in our busy life where we encounter the depth of feeling stuck in place. Our lives become a repeating routine of sleep, eat, work, school, etc. Occasionally we will experience the life changing decisions that redirect our course in life such as marriage, having a baby, buying a house, a new job. This is life right? This is the expectation we have. I believe God created this unimaginably large world for us to enjoy and take care of, but I fear we miss these opportunities without even realizing. How many doors have opened that I have unintentionally closed? Far too many. Was I too busy with this life to not notice? Did I pass them by out of fear? Or perhaps I prolong the inevitable. I realize I don’t close my doors all the way; I leave them ajar as a child would when they fear the dark.

Since I was a wee little girl, I have adored and cherished books. I live and breathe the need of digging my nose into an adventure that is written down in words. My love for movies most likely stems from this as well. My ideal day is sitting in a cafe with a coffee, close to a window, preferably a comfy chair, a good book and people that I can watch move about their day. I have no shame in spending twenty dollars drinking coffee and eating a muffin or three. Words have the capability to create something beautiful within your imagination. Ever since I have expressed and shown this desire and love for books and writing I have been told, “so when are you going to write a book?” I continually laugh it off because the idea of creating something my own is honestly terrifying. I don’t enjoy being stressed with the lack of accomplishment.

Facing My Demons

vulnerabilityI never thought myself a bitter person; not until the other day.

I love to observe people; I’d almost call it a hobby of mine. People are so interesting to me because everyone has a story and the way people act or present themselves is a reflection of their story and where their life has taken them. There are times when I can see that there is someone running from something, not literally speaking, whether its running from the past, the present or the future. We are a fearful human race. We are scared when we can’t control our future and what tomorrow is going to look like. It’s moments like these that we have to be something that makes our knees weak, our lips tremble and our stomachs turn; we must become vulnerable.